and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Oh god it's open bar.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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