"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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