OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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