I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I had to cum in my sink.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
