You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
