My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
