it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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