shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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