I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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