we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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