mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They took my balls.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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