I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
