i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
