On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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