we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am one with the molecules
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