6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
