she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
