my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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