Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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