My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
