I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
