I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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