Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
