Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
