so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
