Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
