I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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