How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
