im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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