why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
