We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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