Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
