i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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