You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
A+ Viking dick
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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