I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
