Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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