I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Randomize
