Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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