you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
