His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize