Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
