pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
