Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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