is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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