i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
