I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
