He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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