i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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