I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
