Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
