i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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