What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
